these matters were the things i had to deal with sunday night after my sideline job with Logika advertising as a mall coordinator for the Flyering and Promodizing event of globe telecoms. AND BOY THE THINGS I HAD TO CARRY WERE EFFIN HEAVY! i almost felt the need of amputating mg aching arms after. not to mention the long walks and the boredom of waiting until the mall closes. that's why I thank God for friends who are ready to help you carry these baggages, cross the sides of the malls with you, climb overpasses, or even punch abusive taxi drivers who take advantage of the scarcity of cabs after the mall hours! :DDDD

Simula pa lamang nang pumutok ang balita tungkol sa nangyari sa asawa ni Ted Failon, naging tutok na ako sa pagsubaybay sa mga pangyayari. Naturalmente, isang kilalang personalidad. At aaminin ko, dahil sa ako ay isang full-pledge kapamilya ever since birth, siya ang mismong news anchor na pinapanood namin gabi-gabi tuwing primetime news. Sino ba naman ang hindi mapapalingon sa kung ano man ang kanilang ginagawa kapag umeere na sa telebisyon o radyo ang mga balita patungkol dito? Maaring noong una ito lamang ang dahilan ng aking interes, mababaw diba? Pero habang tumatagal mas lumalalim ang basehan ng aking pagkahumaling, at malamang ng maraming pilipinong may mga matang mapagmasid at diwang naghahanap ng katarungan sa matagal nang balikong lipunan nating ito.

Ang aking tinutukoy ay ang kitang-kitang karahasan ng ating mga kapulisan sa gitna ng lahat ng ito. Harapang harassment sa mga tao na maari namang wala talagang kinalaman. At kahit na sabihin nating may sala, wala ba silang karapatan para sa isang patas na paglilitis at patrato? Kahit ang mga kalabang network ng abs-cbn, partikular na ang mga mamamahayag at commentarista nila sa kakumpetensyang mga programa tahasang nagsasabi na sobra at OA ang ginagawa nila. Ang sapilitang pasamahin, kuwelyuhan at pagtulung-tulungan ang mga taong ni walang hinahawakang armas o kaonting bakas lamang ng paggiging marahas, sa palagay mo, tama? Ang kasuhan sila kaagad -agad, damputin na parang mga pugante at kriminal na wala man lamang warrant of arrest at hindi man lamang binabasahan ng kanilang mga karapatan...doon pa lamang makikita na ang kamalian. OO, maaring 6 units of Political Science lang ang napagdaanan ko noong kolehiyo at maaring kulang ang nalalaman ko tungkol sa batas, ngunit kahit Grade 2 student siguro mapagtatanto na hindi na tama ang kanilang pagtrato.At ang kanilang mga paraan, my goodness. Nakakaiyak sa inis. Mismong si Dr. Raquel Fortun, isang professor ng UP college of Pathology ang nagsabing hindi na isang magandang idea ang paggamit ng Paraffin test sa imbestigasyon dahil super outdated na at marami nang mga discrepancies. Wala. Bulok talaga. Super bulok.

Pasensya na ha, Supposedly papalabasin ko sanang isang editorial article tong sinusulat kong ito, Pero what's the use of being formal, kayo kayo lang naman ang bumabasa nito. At hindi ko na magawang gawin pa itong pang Press-con type of article sa inis ko sa mga pangyayari. Patuloy ang pagdaloy ng mga ideya. Hindi ako naiinis dahil ang front man ng primetime news na pinapanood ko ang sangkot (well partly) pero dahil sa kabulukan ng ways and means ng mga tao na dapat sana ay nagproprotekta sa interes ng nakararaming Pilipino. AND YES QCPD I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU. Plus the fact na obvious naman na isa lamang ito sa mga marami nilang panggigipit sa mga taong may lakas ng loob na salungatin at punahin ang kanilang mga gawa. Kung aalalahanin, matatandaang isa si Ted sa mga mamamahayag na bumatikos sa brutal ding shoot-out sa EDSA-NIA road at sa Paranaque incident na may mga inosenteng buhay na nadamay. (na kakilala ko rin halos ang mga biktima. click HERE! to recall)

So for that, I am making a shout-out. Because I am alarmed and concerned and GALIT! Nakakatakot na eh. Kung si Ted nga na kilala, maraming koneksyon at protektado ng media naabuso ang karapatan ng ganito, papaano pa ang mga ordinaryong mamamayan na kagaya natin? Pano pag ang sarili nating mga pamilya na ang nasangkot? Mas grabe pa ba ang kabrutalan na dadanasin natin? Wala na ba tayong aasahang hustisya? Patuloy ba tayong magdadahop at mamamalimos sa patas na laban? Maging bukas sana ang ating mga mata at magkaroon ng boses sa mga kaganapang gaya nito hindi lang dahil sa kilala ang sagkot kundi dahil lahat tayo ay Pilipino! Mayaman man o mahirap at kilala man sa lipunan o ordinaryong mamamayan lang ay may karapatang dapat maprotektahan.

Mag isip. Gumising. Manindigan Pilipino.

the problem with growing up is that when you think your life sucks you cannot complain because you are supposed to know what to do about it because you have to have a sense of maturity after all these years. and when you are a grown-up, you can't help but think about jobs, salaries, helping out the household, voting and other shits because you are supposed to, too! and since i am only a hair strand away from losing sanity (or i think i am at least) while i consider these things i cannot help but talk about it. and whine too.

i am actually in the verge of quitting my "semi-job" (well actually, if you call volunteer work with no pay as a job) and i am almost almost convinced that it is the right thing to do. but i still seem half-hearted about it. look at the odds people...

(i haven't blogged for quite a while so please spare my rantings as long as my boggled mind can. just this time please!)

1. the lack of financial compensation
sure the satisfaction and happiness you get from the gratitude patients tell you after caring for them or just seeing them well after confinement is beyond explanation, but i cannot stay a martyr that long especially when my greed for worldly things eats my conscience and good-samaritan subself whole. haha. but i mean seriously guys, at these times especially when gas price shoots up faster than any other thing in the planet, everyone needs a good paying job. plus my wants and needs (ehem CANON rebel XSi slash Nikon D60 ehem) list are way too long that it frustrates me to think that the allowance my dad gives me a day is the only incoming money i depend on. yeah it's quite enough to sustain my every day needs and allow me to have savings for weekend getaways but still, IT IS NOT ENOUGH! dear lord. BUUUT!, if i do get a job, that would mean i have to get one not so quite related to my degree and title because knowing the situation of Filipino Registered Nurses here in our country, finding a hospital job as a staff nurse is just as impossible as finding a chest filled with gold in your backyard. and saying i'd finally fall for it, this might delay the progress i make in my non-earning nursing career. ARGH what to do with this life people tell me!

3. the presence of few not-so friendly judgmental bitches people around you
yup. i wonder why there really are people of this kind existing? they make work unnecessarily an unhappy place to be at. sure thing i can handle the pressure of workload, but this, THIS i cannot just handle. especially when they quite have the control of almost everything, if you know what i mean. who would find it a healthy environment to work at when there are just some people who judge you entirely for a few mistakes (not including mistakes on patient care because i believe i am very efficient about my craft. AND YES, i am proud about it because i know i do have the right to be about it) and overlooking your performances on your actual job. if they could only see who really cares for patients, who really is there the minute someone calls at the station, who compassionately empathizes with them the entire 8 hour shift, then they probably would have a change of heart against those who simply slacks and while away the time playing cards somewhere within the hidden confines of the station. and nope, i am not bragging about merely my self here, i am talking in behalf of my co-volunteers who are also misjudged by these issues. it's a saddening and disheartening fact that they could say bad things about a single mistake you make and all the other efforts you have exerted are put away and forgotten.

3. the freakin hot intolerable weather
weird but yes, THE WEATHER! who would want to go to work (with no pay) at this hot hot summer day? i actually skipped work today on this grounds. HAHA. well this reason is quite connected to the first bullet, since i could have managed to put up with the gallons of sweat escaping every pore in my body while i am at work or while i travel to and from work IF and only IF i had something to look forward to during PAY DAY. that is if i even have a pay day. see? valid reason right?

the "work" i have as of the moment actually do have a lot of incentives too yes. like the hands-on experience i gain each day which i know makes me a better nurse and a better person too, the supplementation for my hunger for learning regarding this vocation, the gratification of helping people and them recognizing it in return and the friends you gain as you go along. but i don't know, it's like my heart is no longer fully at it (i think), and i am no longer very happy with it. come to think of it, should i wait that my efficiency gets affected by these matters, or should i just leave now while i am still at my best?

oh but saying i do finally quit, there goes again my problem with money during the times that will come in the future when i will be needing it. because for sure my dad won't put up with giving me financial assistance either than when it is necessary, meaning no unnecessary summer getaways too! huhu. so i am not only bidding goodbye with the job but the "privileges" of being in it too, HAHA! XD

by far i think i've quite successfully passed through my very first day as volunteer nurse in dr. jose m. rodriguez memorial hospital. with 30 patients as ward census, of which 14 are hansens (lepper pts) and majority of the entire population having severe conditions...yea i think i did pretty well.

but the unlucky part there is that, i haven't been used to feeling this tired for so long. the fatigue surely got into me after almost 10 months of bumming around. the waking up part (4 am) was already a pain in the ass. and the moment my shift started the only break periods i had the luxury of getting was two doses of an almost 5 minute pause at the station a quick lunch break. well at least i won't be shocked the following days, because i can never be more certain that the "party" is just starting. there's more to come. literally and figuratively.

but don't get me wrong because i am DEFINITELY not complaining. this is what i wanted. at least the bumming days are over. and i get to practice what i love and what i think i was born to do. in fact i'm pretty glad that the high is once more kicking in, and i am definitely luuurvven it. cheers to that. ♥

okay so i can even hardly keep up with my friendster, multiply, photobucket and livejournal accounts. now people are asking and bugging me why i don't have a myspace and a facebook and a flicker and a hi5 and a what else? oh the god-knows-what's-coming-up-next and all the other networking bla blas. and worse claiming how such a loser i am for not having one at each thing. it's like they are oh soooo famous because they have 1000+++ contacts at each: the "friends" whom i doubt if nearly half of it they've had even a minute of conversation with. don't get me wrong though i have nothing against those who could keep up with all of them, but puhlease leave me alone if i choose to be very modest and basic about mine. thank you.

SRSLY people. do we really need to get one from all of them? or should we get a life instead? ne? ne?

i think the life thing's much nicer. that's just me though, i don't know about you. XD

Despite the hype of the Pacquiao-Dela Hoya fight and the Twilight movie fandom still going on (both things which btw i was also so into lately), the Filipino primetime news watchers were outraged by the sudden outbreak of reports regarding the shoot out crisis in Paranaque last December 5, 2008 that killed 16 persons, including a number of innocent civilians.

So you guys are probably wondering why the hell am I all serious now blogging about this when my previous posts used to be light and more on typical lifestyle stuff…well here’s the thing, two of the civilian victims Alfonso de Vera (53 years old) and his seven year old daughter Alyanna happened to be related to my mom’s boss and long time friend Tito Ed. His wife Ms. Lilian is Tito Ed’s first cousin. We may not be totally related, but what bothers me really is not how almost near the ties are to us (okay fine it bothers me to a point), but because of the many innocent lives involved. Well aside from the fact that it really pays to be socially conscious you know.

Every time I hear the news these past few days and see follow up reports on this, I can’t help but worry. Like, what assurance do we have that in the next operations like this it wouldn't be our family members and loved ones who would be innocently caught up in the same tragic incidence? It’s just bloodcurdling to consider that there are actually episodes like this that could happen so commonly in our streets, when in fact there should be laws on Police Engagement that should be followed strictly to protect civilians come shoot out thingies and the like happen. I may not be very knowledgeable with Government Policies and Public Laws (because I happen to have slept a lot on my Constitution and Pol. Sci. Professors), but even from a dumb’s perspective like mine I could say that part of the blame should really be on the negligence of the Police Operatives. There could have been more precautions provided. Yes it was all sudden, but still, someone should’ve warned the guards of the subdivisions nearby to temporarily close their gates and there should’ve been officers assigned for crowd control or something. When you personally know the ones involved and killed or worse you are indeed related the usual excuse “mabilis po kase ang mga pangyayari” just wouldn't work right? And yes too there have been casualties on the Police Officers' sides I know, and I feel sorry for them also, but still it is a given that there could have been a much better way to do this, with lesser (if not none) innocent lives put to waste. It’s just unacceptable.

I may rather sound too one sided with this post but it doesn’t really matter here you see. What I am trying to imply is the subject of social concern and empathy to those who have been innocently involved. Sad is the fact that it has all happened already and no matter how much gripe we have with this we cannot take back the damages and lives that were lost. But even so I still have the highest faith that this incident may gain the proper public consciousness it deserves out of all the misfortunes. Most importantly, may it serve as a lesson especially to our armed forces…them who are supposedly protecting the pubic welfare and not doing the contrary as to what is evident in this most recent tragedy.

change, inevitable as it may seem, can be very very interesting yet at the same time bothering.

places, appearances, peso rate, weather, preference, status, people...

PEOPLE.

yes. people change. and this particular type of change has my utmost interest now. not that it is pleasing, but rather awkward and troubling. but because you care for these people. you shrug the uncommon feeling off and just embrace the new truths.

sometimes i wish i was more selfish. but even if i was, i am pretty sure i am not that authoritative to recreate and redirect what was about to change. but if i could, i would've wished for things to have remained how it was before, when we were all normal, happy and friends. it was a better place...or at least for me i think.

passing. all is passing.

Believe me I tried my best to resist the urge to do this post.

Buuuuuttttttt! Because Saturdays are fulfilling-the-family-duties-and-errands-kinda-day for me, meaning all I have to do is while away the time by making sure all the people (especially the gremlins) inside our little shop would stick to their computer time limits and pay dutifully or else kick them out. And because no new episodes of my well-patronized series in surfthechannel.com is yet available, I am now stuck here at the main server, keeping track of the few customers left and now starting to blab continuously. Honestly I think someone should constantly remind me that I should keep my thoughts on track because I have this tendency to have abrupt brain wave changes, meaning my mind starts to think of a different thing already when I am still saying something unfinished. Bla bla bla up goes the list.

Okay I really need that speech-thought checker asap.

Anyway, so much for the off-topics, now to the real business. So you see, I don’t know how a movie review really should go, and my writing is a bit mediocre so don’t expect much. And since I am pretty much a fan of making my life easy, lemme just give some of my randomness about the movie…

okay so let's just say i've finally given up to the fad.

(or is it really just a fad?)

atlhough, i'm not quite a fan of the way it was written... because even if i'm not that of an expert, in those years i've fathomed the love for books in my own ways i can say that there are many literal aspects in it that i do not totally approve of as of now (after reading just the first book, so i'm willing to give Meyer more chances and the benefit of the doubt still).


i must admit though,




i've finally fallen under edward cullen's spell.


yes. i now refuse to elude the twilight saga fandom.

*LORD PAHINGI NG BAMPIRA PLEASE.

so last night was the closing Eucharistic celebration here in our street for the 9th and last day of prayer for Lennon (the brother of my childhood friends Lia and Karen) who passed away last October 15, 2008. and because im quite tainted with the fourth deadly sin sloth as of the moment (as usual), let me just give a rundown of events and thoughts during the past 9 days which was a time both for mourning, and reunions with long lost friends and kababatas (and prolly a little money earning to say the least):

(*but before anything else, again my deepest sympathies for Tito Renz, Tita Mel, Karen, Lia, Joshua and all the loved ones of our dear Lennon who joined the arms of our Creator at the tender age of 13. my prayers will always be with you.)

the list may go on and on because really a lot has happened, but i'll try my best to give a clear picture of everything, so here it goes...

♥ after what, 4 years of not seeing each other my old childhood barkada, finally we were able to have that long planned get-together. we've been friends ever since the days we used to wear pigtails while playing garters and talking about grade school crushes, and those times when the number of your stationeries collection mattered. Grace, Lia and Karen together with the kambal Glenda and Gemma, oh how i missed these girls. although it's really sad that it had to be in Lennon's wake, i was really super glad to have reunited with them.

♥ in addition to the previous bullet, getting these girls with me into one table and have ourselves gulping pitchers of beer is indeed one in a million experience. not to mention other kids (who are not so kids anymore yesterday) from my childhood joining us in the persons of kuya jake, james and em with our new found friend nakiki-kababata Som who lives blocks away from us. these people actually used to be our "rivals" (during petty children outdoor games with the boys vs girls thingies), while Em used to be in kindergarten when we were in second grade so she really hadn't had the chance to join us often in our make-believe bahay-bahayans and lutu-lutuans. it's just so amazing to think that from those "tender" years, we have all remained friends after all these years despite our own separate lives and busy schedules. and i am really looking forward for more of these before things get busier for us in the following months, since all of us are supposedly and should be yuppies by this time (when i am in fact jobless as of now. LOL).

♥ probably because i have been pulling off all-nighters (for reasons not so important really) to the extremes recently and have been sleeping way way past a normal person's bedtime, i am having yet another pimple breakout. it's also probably because of the sudden withdrawal of my meds which are for my hormonal imbalances that are also causing abnormally-hyperactive-zit-forming-whatevers in my system. so if there's someone there who has a good heart who could sponsor my belo treat, no time to waste and please hurry.


♥ and last but not the least, these past few days i have been very engrossed with this little business that my college friend riza and i are trying to pull off. and because i have always been dreaming of wearing fur coats and coming out from black stretch limousines while smoking cigars with extra long black classic filters (snob, and effin filthy rich in short), sooner when i find the time i will be using the power of the mighty livejournal and multiply to promote and spread the "love". so my beloved flist/contacts get your selves ready because sooner or later you guys will be my business prospects. and because you love me, i know you'll at least be patronizing. much love for that. XD

patience, yes, it is a virtue.

however, at times too, it is a f*cking pain in the ass to be patient. but then you try your best, because after all you too are hoping for the best. supposedly, the universe should conspire to make things easy, probably as pakunswelo after you have put in all your efforts to be good and positive about certain matters. but if if turns out to be the other way around, wherein the conspiracy seems to happen to make things worse and prolong the agony, that is where the problem happens. why not, right? we are all just human. we get tired. and we can only take up to our limits. beyond that, it may become exhausting. and our knots may just snap.


that, i hope, is something way too far yet when it comes to the things and people i am trying to deal with.